A Little Redirection

I have big dreams. I admit it. The problem with those big dreams is that I have a family too. A family that wants and needs me here. I'm no longer a single woman who can just get up and go do whatever it is that I want. I have responsibilities. I have to look out for what is best for Jason, Austin, Riley and Matthew too. And I want to see my family and be there for them.

So my dream of attending medical school? Not in the cards. At least not at this point in my life. I just can't ask my family to sacrifice that much. I've spent the entire last 4 days researching my options and talking with my husband. We can make the short-term sacrifice of school for me, but we can't do 8+ years worth of schooling at this point. We need me to be able to be around to take care of the kids plus bring in a little income. Full time schooling for 8 years isn't practical. We'd be beyond broke.

We've come up with a new plan. Not exactly following my ultimate dreams but getting as close as I can under our circumstances. I will still be able to go to school, still get my degree, still bring in an income, still see my family, still feel good about my accomplishments. I'm happy with that. So the new plan?

I've applied to the local community college. I've taken lots of classes there in the past and am familiar with the school. I will get my associates degree in nursing. The program will take about two years and I've applied for the fall semester. After that, I'll hopefully get a job right away at Harrisburg or Hershey's hospitals. While working, I'll take the necessary classes to get my Bachelor's in Nursing. Should take another two years or so, possibly less since I have so many undergrad credits under my belt as it is. THEN, after I have my BSN, Matthew will be in school full time, Austin will have graduated high school, Riley a freshman. That's when we'll see what I want to do regarding furthering my education. There's always that possibility of med school, or Physicians Assistant school (a 2 yr post-baccalaureate program). Or I may just be happy with my BSN. But no matter what, I'll have option and most importantly, I'll have a career I can be proud of and an education!

I'm happy about the changes that will be occurring. I'm so thankful to God that I have such a wonderful, caring and supportive husband. I'm so thankful that I'm going to be able to accomplish some of the things I've dreamed of. I'm glad that there are other option available to me that will get me close to those dreams. Things are looking good!

I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!! WOOHOO!

Crossroads

I'm at a crossroads. I'm thinking about returning to school so that I can finish my degree and apply for medical school! It's been on my mind a lot (especially since the Letter to yourself at 17 post). The biggest regret I have is listening to my college Chemistry professor who told me that I'd never become a doctor. I believed him, and since then, deep down I've been miserable and my self-worth has suffered.

Last night Jason and I had a huge heart-to-heart. I finally confided in him about my low self-esteem issues and how it almost all goes back to my freshman year of college. How I feel like I am worthless because I have never had a "career" and that the only jobs I'm qualified for are waitressing or $9/hr crap jobs. I've felt trapped for the past 14 years. I've used the kids, family and money issues as excuses for why I haven't become all that I've wanted to be. So now I'm thinking that the best thing for my family is for them to have a wife and mother who feels good about herself; who feels successful and validated.

I AM good enough. I AM smart enough. I AM determined. I CAN do it.

So tonight I'm going to apply to the local state university to begin classes in the summer or fall. And then after that, well, medical school. Am I crazy? Am I too old? I'll be 33 in the fall when I plan to return to school. I have about 2 years worth of pre-reqs to finish for my degree. So that would put me at 35-36 or so when I would apply for med school. Add in 4 years of that so then I'm 40 (with a 20 yr old, a 16 yr old and a 9 yr old).

Has anyone done anything like this? What was your experience? Do you have any regrets?