This post is specifically for Amelia

Good morning sweetie. Here's your Matthew fix for the day. Now have your mommy wipe up the drool from your chin. All the girls dig a bald head and a fluffy bubble butt! Matthew has a message for you.

Dear Amelia,
When can you come over to play? I want some real contact with you, not just pictures and messages back and forth between our mommies. Please baby, I'll make it worth the 1000 mile trip! If you came here we could:

Play on my train table. Mommy tells me to get off the table all the time but it makes a great dance floor. I've been practicing my moves. Can you see my big ol' booty?

Or we could just sit in a box. Do you know how much fun a box is? We've got lots of boxes and laundry baskets. We could pretend that it was a big plane taking us on a romantic weekend getaway! Or we could just pretend it was a box. Either way, I'm happy.

I've got lots of movies. Wiggles are my favorite. I just love to dance to them, especially on the train table. If you don't like Wiggles, I've got Elmo, Dora, and Thomas the Train. I think we have a few stupid Princess Barbie movies from my big sister. You're a girl. You'd probably like that dumb stuff huh?

I like bananas in the morning, so after you get here we can have a snack. Mommy just went grocery shopping so there's more to eat here than just dry cereal and water. Bout time!

Well Amelia it was nice writing to you. Hope you enjoyed my letter. I'll be sitting in my hallway, holding the remote and just waiting for you to arrive.

Forever yours (or at least until I start preschool when I get to meet all kinds of little ladies),

Matthew

Brought to you by the Letter "D"

I was reading Lindsay's Blog and she had a fun little quiz on it. She assigned me the letter D so now I have to list 10 of my favorite things that begin with D. Thank goodness she didn't give me Q. Can you imagine? Queer quirky quarantined quadraplegic quints covered in quartz from the quarry and quilts made by the queen, quietly quarreling over taking quizzes full of questions, quotation marks and quadrilateral lines, feeling queasy while trying to quickly qualify for the quarterfinals and yet, quenching their thirst with quarts of milk that they bought for a quarter. Phew!!

And so now, my top 10 D things:

1. dSLR camera (my new Nikon)
2. Dimples
3. my Daughter, Riley
4. Drinking Turkey Hill Iced Tea
5. Driving on vacation
6. Daily fix of Scrapshare
7. My 2 darling boys, Austin and Matthew
8. Daytime naps
9. my Dad
10. my DH, Jason

If you want to play too, drop me a comment and I'll assign you a letter too!

Beauty Day 12

Knowing my limitations and being able to admit them.

So here it is. I can't blog every day. Or at least not yet. I can't keep up with this challenge. I went from no blogging whatsoever to trying to blog daily for this challenge and it is just too much for me right now.

And that's OKAY. I shouldn't feel stressed about getting this blogged every.single.day. No big deal. I'll blog as often as I can and take a rest if I don't feel like blogging. No biggie. I'm not being graded on this challenge. It's not like I get paid for how often I blog. This blog is for me (and whoever is out there and wants to read this) and I shouldn't feel like I HAVE to do anything.

So there's the beauty for today. I am not superwoman. I don't want to be superwoman. I'll write when inspired and when I have the time. And that's it.

Ahh... I feel so much better!

Beauty Day 9

What is beautiful around me right now? Contentment. Satisfaction. Peace and quiet. The dishwasher is running. The kids are asleep. Jason is downstairs finishing up a video game. I'm sitting here at the computer for a few minutes and thinking "ya know, life is pretty okay right now". I'm happy. I've got a great husband. Three beautiful healthy wonderful kids. A nice home. The bills are paid. Things are good today. And that makes for a happy mom and wife.

Quiz

Snatched this from my buddy Sarah's old old old blog (check out her regular blog here) and thought I'd revive it and plop it here on my blog.

Adult Survey:
Tired of all of those stupid Survey's made by High School kids who really think its neat to Sneak Out and Sleep in a bed with the "opposite" sex well I am too.Here are some questions for some people who are a little more mature than the average MTV Generation Retard.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? Mortgage
2. Favorite Place to eat a romantic Dinner? Well it would have been The Meritage where I used to work, but they have since closed. We haven't been out to eat for a romantic dinner since before Matthew was born!!
3. Last time you Puked from Drinking? Unfortunately it was this summer. But that was the first time in probably 6 years or so.
4. When is the last time you got drunk and woke up in a strange place? College?
5. Name of your First Grade Teacher? Mrs. Hahn
6. What do you really want to be doing right now? Sleeping
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up? A doctor
8.How many colleges did you attend before you settled on the one you graduated from? I've attended three, but haven't graduated yet.
9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? Because it was longsleeved and is comfy.
10. Gas Prices! First Thought? I'm thankful that they're finally down below $2.00 again.
11. If you could move anywhere where would you go and who would you take? Somewhere south and warm (probably Texas) and I'd take Jason and the kiddos.
12. First Thought When the alarm went off this morning? No alarm on the weekend. Matthew is my alarm.
13. Last thought before Falling asleep last night? I wondered what time Jason would end up crawling into bed
14. Favorite style of underwear? comfy cotton bikinis
16. What Errand/Chore do you despise? Putting away laundry
17. If you didnt have to work would you? I'm a stay-at-home mom who has to work part-time out of the house. Wish I didn't have to.
18. Sex or Sleep? Sex and then sleep
19. Your Favorite Cartoon Character? The Smurfs
20. Favorite non-sexual thing to do at night with the opposite sex? cuddle
21. A secret that you wouldnt mind everyone knowing? Don't really have any secrets
22. What happened to this question?????? you tell me.
23. Your Best Your Mamma Joke? Don't really have any.
24. Your Favorite Lunch Meat? Ham
25. What do you get everytime you go into a WAWA? No WaWa's close by. But there's plenty of Turkey Hill's and I buy gallons and gallons of their addicting tea.
26. Beach Or Shore? Beach
27. Do you think Marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?Nope not at all.
28. Who do you Stalk on myspace? nobody
29. Favorite Guilty Pleasure(s)? Taking a nap in the middle of the day.
30. Favorite Movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? Titanic
31. What's your drink? Turkey Hill Tea
32. Cowboys or Indians? Cowboy
33. Cops or Robbers? Cops
34. Do you cheer for the bad guys? Nope except for Dr. Gregory House
35. What Hollyood Star do you think resembles you best? Uhh don't think anyone is as gorgeous in Hollywood as me! HA!
36. If you had to pick one which cast member of Lost,who would you be? Don't watch Lost.
37. What do you want when you are sick? Peace and quiet and lots of sleep.
38. Who from High School would you like to run into? A bunch of my old friends
39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? FM 97
41. Stifler or Oz? Oz
42. Norm or Cliff? Well, I am married to a mailman. You figure it out.
43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? Cosby
44. Worst Relationship Mistake that you wish you could take back? None
45. Do you Like the Person who sits directly across from you at work? I don't work
46. If you could get away with it who would you kill? I could never kill anyone.
47. What Famous person would you like to have dinner with? Eric Clapton
48. What famous Person would you like to sleep with? No one
49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? yes
50. Last book you read for real? Can't remember. It's been a while.
51. Do you have a teddy bear? No
52. Strangest Place you have ever had sex? In a field
53. Strangest Place you have ever wanted to have sex? hmm
54. How many times a day do you text? None. Dont' have a cell phone
55. at this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship? Neither
56. Do you go to church? Not as often as we should
57. Pencil or Pen? pen
58. Describe your favorite Day? sleeping in and then reading the newspaper followed by a day of scrapbooking with friends and ending the day cuddling with DH (copied word for word from Sarah)
59. Personal best record for number of times you pleasured yourself in a day? Umm... uhh...
60. How much money would it take for you to have sex with someone of the same sex? Would never do it.
61. What time do you normally go to bed at night? Usually around 11 or 12.
62. Where is your next vacation going to be? Hopefully to New Hampshire to visit Sarah and her family
63. How did you meet your last or current signifcant other? I met Jason in Photography class in college
64. If u could change one thing in your life right now what would it be? Just a little more money would be nice
65. since we are all adults here....... bar/club or dinner and a movie? Dinner and a Movie

Beauty Day 8

Organization!!

Not what most people have in mind when they think of beauty, but really, it truly is a beautiful thing. I'm not great at organizing. Well that's not entirely true. I organize in my own way which Jason says is ridiculous. It's Meg-anized which Jason sees as just a bunch of piles that don't make any sense -- to HIM. But usually I can find what it is that I'm looking for. I always have good intentions when it comes to organization. I buy the organizers, figure out how I want to do things, start the project and then BAM! Something else catches my attention or I just get tired of it, which leaves me half organized on a lot of things. Going back to finish the organization is a daunting task, and I tried to do anything but go back to it. Which just leaves even more that needs to be organized. And so the vicious cycle is created and repeated.

About three years ago I raided my parents' house and took all of their photos. Over 40 years worth of photos! Crazy of me, huh? But they were a mess at mom and dad's house. There was no organization to them. And my mom doesn't really scrap. So they would never be put in any sort of scrapbook album. I wanted to be able to make albums for them, so that one day, when they are no longer here, I can have them back for my children and future generations. So I grabbed the huge box of photos and started a rough sort. Basically I sorted them by decade and threw them in gallon sized ziploc bags and threw them back in the box. And there they sat. In a box by decades for a year.

Later, I grabbed the 70s and skipped to 1976 (when I was born) and started organizing the photos. I created Volume I of my childhood album 1976-1979. And then I puttered out. I got busy with other projects. I had a baby and had to work on his album and keep his photos organized.

So the photos that I took three years ago from mom and dad were partially organized (okay okay 3 years were organized and scrapped) and the remainder 37 years worth of photos were in ziplocs. In November I started to read Stacy Julian's "Photo Freedom" and decided that I wanted to begin my own Library of Memories. Great aspiration, Meg, but did you remember that you're not great about organization and in order to accomplish such a task you need to organize!! Luckily for me, I've scrapped all of our family photos up until 2008 since Austin was born in 1996. So I've got 11 years worth of photos in albums already and 2008 is on the computer, organized by month. I'm ahead of the game, right? Umm, no, 'cause I'd like to use some of my photos from my childhood.

Last night I decided to bite the bullet and begin the organization process of the photos from my parents. I grabbed the two full bags of 1980s photos. I took 5x7 index cards and wrote on the top of each card the season and year, from Winter 1979/80 until Winter 1989/90. I covered my 6 foot scrapping table with the cards and then began the sort. 90% of the photos have been sorted. Mom is coming over tomorrow to help me with a few stragglers that I can't seem to figure out when they were taken. I started putting the photos in Pioneer 3-Up albums and its been so awesome to see the progress. It has also brought back such great memories of my childhood. I've found a few photos of me that are spitting images of Riley and Matthew. I've already planned out a few pages I want to make in the near future.

I'm feeling inspired and relieved all at once. The great part is once the 80s are finished, I only have 4 years of photos to organize that will get me through to my high school graduation. I've already scrapped my senior year as well as my college years and then in 1996 my son was born. And like I said, everything from 1996 until December 2007 is scrapped! I see light at the end of the tunnel and it just makes me feel so good!

Beauty Day 7

I hate winter. I've always hated winter. I hate to be cold. I hate to drive in snow and ice and freezing rain. I hate that the days are short and that there is never enough sunlight. I hate that everything is brown and dead around me. I long for spring and summer.

However, despite how much I hate winter (and I mean I really really hate it), I am able to find beauty in it. Yesterday we had freezing rain all day. I noticed that the bushes were covered in ice so I threw on my coat and grabbed my new camera (a Nikon D40 which I LOVE) and decided to capture some of the beauty amid all the dreariness of January in Central PA. I captured what I believe to be a beautiful picture. I love the way the ice looks around the branches and how there is just a bit of red showing among all the brown.

The purpose of this month's blog challenge was to find beauty around us, which I think is necessary for me during the winter months. I'm one of those people that lose all energy in the winter. I have no motivation. I veg out just longing for the warmer days. Its necessary for me to see that there is beauty surrounding me.

Beauty Day 6

Gotta post something. But today it's going to be short and sweet. Beauty for today is going to bed before 11 pm. Woohoo! For the past several weeks I've been having problems getting myself off the couch (or computer) to go to bed before 1 a.m. Today? Today I'm exhausted. It's finally catching up to me. All those days of running on only 5 hours of sleep have come to attack me and take.me.out.

I can't keep my eyes open any longer. So today, at 10:18 p.m., I'm signing off this computer and crawling into my bed so that I may actually get 8 hours (or more if my husband is sweet enought to get up with Punky tomorrow morning).

Meg needs her beauty rest. Trust me, I really really do. So tomorrow I'll be refreshed and beautiful and ready to start my day on the right foot!

Update on A Step Away from Babyhood

Sippy cup was full this morning. I'm thinking that we might be able to just hand him a cup of water before naps/bedtime. That's the agenda for today!

One Small Step Away From Babyhood

Matthew will be 18 months old on the 19th of January (where in the world did the time go!?) Matthew is slow to change. It took us from 6 months old until 12 months old to get him to drink from a sippy. And he'd only drink water from the sippy. He doesn't like juice and he refused formula in the cup. I have tried a few times since his first birthday in July to get him off of the bottle. First it took us about 2 months to get him to stop the formula and start on milk. But he wouldn't drink milk cold - it had to be warmed to formula temperature (YUCK!). We got him to switch but he wouldn't drink the milk from a sippy cup. Now at just about 18 months he was only drinking warm milk from a bottle (before naps and bedtime) and only water from a sippy.

Today I put my foot down. I'm tired of the bottles. So I told Jason that today was the day we'd just give him a cup. I prepared myself for a battle of the wills with the Stubborn One. The boy usually doesn't let up until he gets what he wants. He'll scream for hours if I put him down for a nap and he thinks he doesn't need one. He'll continue until I've finally had it or until he collapses in pure exhaustion. I still win because I make him stay in there for an hour anyway.

So this morning when he was ready for his first nap I told him that we were going to use a sippy. I grabbed one of the Nuby brand cups that most resemble his bottle. It has a soft silicone spout similar to the nipple on his Avent bottle. I poured the milk, warmed it to his ridiculous temperature, and gave it to him. Now don't yell at me about the drinking of milk when going to bed. I know I know. It's bad for his teeth, yada yada yada. But one battle at a time here ladies and gents. Let's get this under control first and then we'll tackle that next. Anyway, he laid down, took a sip like usual, furrowed his brow, pulled the cup out of his mouth, looked at it and promptly handed it to me as if to say "What the F mom? Where's the bottle?" I told him that he could drink his sippy but no bottles today. I promptly turned around and left his room.

He fussed for a bit, then started to scream. I waited about 10 minutes and then went back into his room. I picked up his blankies, stuffed animals, paci and cup off of the floor. When he's upset or frustrated he'll throw everything out of the room and then scream hysterically because he doesn't have all of his stuff in his bed with him. Silly boy. Once I handed everything back to him, I told him night-nights and said he could drink from his cup if he wanted milk. Then left again.

I didn't hear from him again for 3 hours (told you he loves his naps). When he woke up I saw that he hadn't drank any of his milk. Okay that's fine. That might just make it easier for me to get him to not take any milk to bed at all. Victory number 1 for the day. No bottle. Refused to drink milk in the cup, but at least he napped. Mama - 1. Matthew - 0.

A few hours later he was ready for his short afternoon nap. Again, I grabbed the cup for milk. Again he fussed for a bit, but eventually took a nap. This time, however, he drank some of the milk. Victory number 2 for the day. No bottle. Drank some milk from a cup. Mama - 2. Matthew - 0.

After his nighttime bath I got him ready for bed. Gave him his medicine, got his blanky and paci and filled a hard-topped cup with warm milk. This would be the real test. I laid him in bed, handed him the cup. He took a sip, furrowed his brow, pulled the cup out of his mouth, looked at it, handed it to me and again gave me the "What the F" look. Again, I said, "No bottles" and handed it back to him. Then turned around and left. I never heard another peep out of him. Victory number 3. Mama - 3. Matthew - 0.

I'm interested to see tomorrow morning if he ever drank any of the milk from the cup tonight. If he didn't, I'm thinking the transition away from milk at bedtime will be much easier. I'm hoping tomorrow goes as smoothly with the cup...

Beauty Day 5

Have you seen pictures of my daughter Riley? She just turned 8 in November. The girl is beautiful - inside and out. She's very outgoing. Very thoughtful. She cares about other people. She's a great help with Matthew - always the doting and loving big sister. She wants to please people and wants them to be happy. Not to say that Riley doesn't have her moments when I'd like to string her up and hang her from the ceiling fan by her toenails. 'Cause there's a few times like that every day. She can talk your ears off. She bounces nonstop. The girl cannot sit still. She can get mouthy and throw temper tantrums and has already begun having those little pre-adolescent mood swings. But overall, she's just a good, sweet, beautiful girl.

She just didn't start out that way. Riley was an ugly newborn. Uhhhh-ggggly! Ugly ugly. That's horrible to say but its true. Good thing for you all, I don't have any of her newborn photos scanned. You're welcome. But really she was not an attractive baby. She had a big bald head, a teeny-tiny little nose (a nose way too small for her face), huge ears that stuck out of the sides of her head (that would be her dad's genes to be blamed for that), and these blue eyes that were the size of half dollars and took up most of her face. She also had a red stork's bite on the back of her neckas well as on on her forehead that became very prominent when she was screaming bloody murder because she was hungry or wet.

But as she grew, she grew into that big head of hers. Her eyes are still huge and a very prominent feature on her face. But they're beautiful and perfect. Her nose is tiny but it fits her. The ears? Well her hair is long enough to cover them most of the time and they seem to lay flatter against her head than they did when she was younger. She's tall and lean. She's going to be stunning as a teenager and young woman.

Jason has already purchased the shotgun and its hanging prominently on the the living room wall. We're also looking into permanently locking her into her bedroom until she's 40.

WARNING: Don't come to my house and eat homemade cookies

I've been found out. Jason caught me red-handed...err...green-tongued.

So I'm going to confess to you all. This is a tough one for me but I've gotta be honest. It's because I love you all that I'm sharing this with you.

When you come to my house (be it to hang out, scrap with me, or to claim a plot for your significant other in my burial grounds) don't eat any cookies that I may make. Wait that's wrong. Eat the cookies or the cakes or anything else ONLY if it doesn't contain sprinkles (jimmies). If there are sprinkles (jimmies), politely decline. Trust me on this one.

I have a problem. And the best way to overcome that problem is to admit it. Step one.

Hello. My name is Meg. (Hello Meg!) I lick sprinkles directly out of the container, just like they were on an ice cream cone.

Phew. I feel much better.I bought two bulk containers of sprinkles from our local grocery store in the beginning of December. One container of green and one of red. The plan was that I was going to make cookies with the kids. That never came into fruition. So they've been up in the cupboard for a while. But every once in a while when I'm craving something sweet I bring the container down and sneak a lick.

Jason caught me today. I've now made my confession and hope to be forgiven. But I can't promise that there won't be a "just one more lick, I'm strong enough" in my future.

Beauty Day 4

I'm really enjoying these blog challenges. It's making me think outside of the box and I am recording thoughts that I wouldn't typically write about. I can post about how beautiful a flower or my daughter or a sunset at the beach is but there's so much beauty in all of the little things that is going on in my life too. So today I posted a picture of Matthew laying on the floor last month. Doesn't look all that beautiful huh? The carpet is grungy looking, the jammie-jams he's wearing are too small on him, the blanket isn't one of his favorites and his paci is upside down in his mouth. To the normal person, beautiful it is not.

However, let me tell you what is beautiful about this picture. It can't be seen in the picture. It's something only I would know. This picture is taken an hour and a half after Matthew woke up that morning. What's so significant about that? Matthew has himself on a schedule. He runs like clockwork. Now the schedule isn't perfect. He doesn't always wake up at the same time every morning. He varies between waking up anywhere between 6:30 am and 8 am (though yesterday my baby boy slept in until 9 which would have been awesome for me if I hadn't had to get up early to watch Dominik). The clockwork comes in starting from the time he wakes up. Without fail, that boy is ready for his morning nap EXACTLY an hour and a half after he wakes up. This morning he got up at 8 am. At 9:30 he fussed, grabbed his blankie and paci and told me it was time (without using any words). It never fails. He's playing and is happy and that internal clock of his his strikes after 90 minutes and BAM! "Night-night time. GET ME TO BED NOW!!"

The same thing happens for him at night. Between 6 and 6:30 the clock strikes again and you better get that boy into his jammie-jams and throw him into bed. I love it. He's a wonderful sleeper. I've been blessed with three kiddos who loved to sleep as infants and toddlers. We've never had any issues with bedtimes or naps for any of them. Riley was still taking an afternoon nap until she was almost 6 years old! I'm thinking that Matthew may follow in his big sister's footsteps.

Naptimes, sleep, internal clocks. It's a beautiful thing.

Beauty Day 3

Ok so I'm running a bit behind on this post for Day 3. I had it started but yesterday didn't pan out exactly the way I wanted it to and before you knew it the day was over. I babysat Dominik for the day and usually he's a pretty quiet, calm kiddo. Yesterday was not so. He screamed from 11:30 until his mom picked him up at 3:30. It made for a long day. A day where I didn't get to spend much time on the computer. And then it was dinner time. After dinner, I helped Riley clean out and organize her room. That was quite the challenge and we still have more to tackle tonight. Yea me. Okay so on to Beauty Day number 3...

Our front and back yard in the spring. Look at how green and beautiful it is. We just bought this house in July and honestly it was the yards that hoooked us on this home. We have an acre of land and we're in a wooded area. We're only 4 miles from the center of town but it feels like we're living in the middle of nowhere. It's awesome.

Today its cold and blah outside. The leaves are all gone. The trees are bare. Everything is dead. I long for the days of spring and summer again. Life is around us. Everything smells good. The animals are stirring. The plants are blossoming. We can open our windows and air out the 3 months of stale winter air that we have been breathing.

I can't wait until Matthew can run and play in his back yard. We've got little bikes and ride on toys for him. His grandma bought him a water and sand table for Christmas. He's going to have so much fun and it'll be a blast to watch him explore his new world.

It's January right now. Only about 4 more months until it's warm enough to play outside without a coat. I can't wait!! In the meantime I'll just look at the pictures of my beautiful green yard and hope for the days to pass quickly.

I'm not the only idiot living in my house

Remember in September when I broke my foot egging my husband and neighbor? Remember how Jason wouldn't let up about me being such an idiot to run in the dark after throwing eggs at him? And how if nothing else, I should have at least been drunk while doing so? Well guess what? This idiot is married to an idiot, and oh man do I love him!!

Today Jason, Austin and said neighbor went to neighbor's cousin's farm to play Airsoft and Capture the Flag. I'm not a big fan of Airsoft guns but Jason and Austin always roll their eyes at me so I keep my mouth shut. I'm also not a big fan of Jason running around acting like a 12 year old boy when he's a 32 year old man. But whatever. Well today Jason had the flag and was running and ooops, his foot fell into a small ditch and rolled. He continued to play but when he came home limping I told him to let me see his foot. He told me that he just twisted it a bit.

Umm. No. It's purple and bruised and swollen in the exact same spot as mine was in September when it was broken. His is just the other foot. Big Dummy. He's on the phone with work now taking a couple of days off for medical leave. He's going to the doctor and will get it x-rayed tomorrow.

Well off to play nurse to my sick patient. Got the ace bandage out and some more frozen peas and a pillow. Poor guy.

Is it wrong of me to laugh at him anyway even though I know how bad it hurts?

Beauty Day 2

Ask just about anyone and they'll tell you that there is nothing more beautiful than new life. And every mother will tell you that their child is the most beautiful. And of course they are right. However, I have to tell you that these pictures of me with Matthew just minutes after his birth truly reflect beauty. I felt love and pure joy after the birth of Austin and Riley, however, the feelings of relief and gratitude in addition to that love and joy that I felt after Matthew safely arrived is unparalleled. These pictures warm my heart and bring me back to the first time I held my beautiful, healthy, living son, Matthew.

Matthew and I had a rough start from almost the moment we found out we were expecting him. We had had two losses prior to his pregnancy, one being the stillbirth of baby Ian back in 2001. After losing Ian, we had 5 years of infertility. I had prayed daily for five years for another baby. A few weeks after we knew of Matthew's pregnancy, I began to bleed. I had episodes throughout his pregnancy of bleeding, abruptions, pre-term contractions. I spent 5 weeks on hospital bedrest. I was given Magnesium Sulfate and Procardia to keep Matthew from coming too early. We had a few scares. And yet, Matthew thrived.

In the middle of July 2007, I began to have more and more placental abruptions. My doctors were torn between keeping Matthew on the inside to bake a little more or bring him into this world with the chance of having medical issues due to his prematurity. But the more and more that I bled, the more and more the doctors came to realize that we had to take our chances and that Matthew would most likely do better to be born early than to risk the chance of another stillbirth due to abruption.

It was so scary. Yes, I was tired of the bedrest. I missed Austin and Riley and Jason. I missed my own bed. Me being in the hospital put a lot of stress on our family and our friends who were helping to take care of the kids. I wanted to be selfish and say "Just get the baby out" but truth be told, I'd rather lay upside down on my head for 5 months if it meant that I would have a healthy baby in the end.

On July 18, 2007, at 36 weeks along, my doctors decided to start the induction of my labor. The first day went slow. They gave me cervadil to soften my cervix and then let me sleep overnight. The "real" induction began on the 19th with pitocin. At a little past 11 pm I began to push. At 11:26, Matthew John entered this world. He was silent and I held my breath. Flashbacks of Ian's birth came to me. The silence after delivery. The pain of knowing my baby wasn't alive. Knowing all the memories we wouldn't be able to share together. No birthday parties, no first Christmases, no first steps, first days of kindergarten, no smiles or hugs or kisses. I began to tear up a bit, reliving all of that pain. I couldn't survive burying another child. I knew I wasn't strong enough.

And then I heard him. Oh the sound of that first cry. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard because it meant that we didn't have a repeat of Ian's birth. I began to sob, uncontrollably. The pain of losing Ian combined with the pure joy of having another chance with another son. It was like I literally opened the floodgates and all that emotion just poured out of me. I couldn't control the emotions. I thanked God over and over again for my little miracle. For giving me another baby. For allowing me to once again shower pure, unconditional love on another human being.

One Word

I snatched this from a Scrapshare blogger (michellekcm). You have to answer each question with just one word. Sounds easy enough. Truth is, it's harder than you think!

1. Where is your cell phone? nonexistant
2. Significant other? Jason
3. Your hair? unwashed
4. Your mother? ugh
5. Your father? awesome
6. Your favorite thing? sleep
7. Your dream last night? work
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? happy
10. The room you're in? kitchen
11. Your hobby? scrapbooking
12. Your fear? death
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? school
14. Where were you last night? work
15. What you're not? athletic
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? scrapcrap
18. Where you grew up? Lancaster
19. The last thing you did? sniffled
20. What are you wearing? pajamas
21. Your TV? newer
22. Your pets? dog
23. Your computer? slow
24. Your life? content
25. Your mood? tired
26. Missing someone? Ian
27. Your car? van
28. Something you're not wearing? bra
29. Favorite store? Target
30. Your summer? moved
31. Like someone? lots
32. Your favorite color? green
33. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
34. Last time you cried? dunno

January Monthly Blog Challenge - Day 1

Traci posted a new blog challenge on Scrapshare. I figured that today was as good a day as any to jump on in. Here's the rules for the challenge: The Challenge for January will be a Search for Beauty. This beauty can be a combination of both inner or outer beauty and will include a photo contest too. The rules are as follows:

Part 1: Blog daily about the people/places/things you find beauty in. A post can be a tribute to a special person that is or was beautiful to you. Or a post about something beautiful in the world around us. It could even include a beautiful plate of cookies that you bake, or a drawing hanging on your fridge. The challenge will run from January 3rd - January 31

Part 2: Post 3 pictures each week showcasing beauty. I'm not going to give you weekly categories this month because I want you to feel free to snap and post photos as you search for beauty.

I can do this! So let's go!

Beauty - Day 1

My son and my father. Everytime I see the two of them together I get warm fuzzies inside. Austin and his "Guh" have a very special relationship. I was 20 and single when Austin was born and my parents took me in and allowed us to live with them until Austin turned 3. Austin's biological father had nothing to do with him. My dad became Austin's substitute dad.

My dad always wanted a son. He only had two daughters. So when Austin was born, there wasn't a prouder moment for my father. And just to add icing to the cake, I gave Austin my dad's first name as his middle name as well as my father's last name. My dad was the last male in his family so the line would have ended with him since he had two daughters. Now the name continues with my oldest son.

I'm so thankful for the three years that we spent living with my parents. No, it wasn't always easy. But the greatest thing was that my dad and my son had the chance to form an incredibly strong, incredibly special relationship. They are best buddies. My dad adores Austin and has all kinds of special things set aside to give to Austin when he eventually passes away.

They have special names for each other. When Austin was a baby he couldn't say Grandpa. So he called him Guh. The name stuck. Everyone calls him Guh and Dad loves to tell everyone that Guh spells Hug backwards! Aww! Dad calls Austin, Cheese. It's so funny to hear him say "What's up Cheese?" or "See ya later, Cheese".

My dad has great relationships with my other two children. He adores them. He loves them both very much. But it's different from the relationship he has with Austin. Austin is very blessed to have such a relationship. I was never close to any of my grandparents. I hope that my dad will remain a part of Austin's life throughout his adolescence and into his adult years.

The relationship between a grandfather and a grandson. Is there anything more beautiful?

Gotta get ready for work

Ho hum. Not looking forward to it tonight. Thankfully this will be my last night at this restaurant. I hate working there. I have a job interview on the 14th for a new, fine-dining seafood restaurant that is opening up in April. I'm hoping I get it, though to be completely honest with you I'd rather not have to serve anymore. But let's be real. I only have so many options. I have no education. I can only afford to work part-time because of the baby and the kids' and hubby's school and work schedules. Where can I make the same kind of money in such a short work week? There isn't anything else for me. So I'm stuck. I'm gonna be a waitress forever... or at least until I can get my butt back into school to finish my degree and get a REAL job.

So I better get into the shower and get ready. *Sigh*

Time for a Blog Makeover

I haven't blogged since I was pregnant with Matthew. He's now almost 18 months old. It's 2009 lady! Get with the program. Stop reading everyone else's blogs and start writing yours! So rather than start a whole new blog, I figured I'd just keep this one, send it to the salon to get its hair and nails done and Voila! A fresh new face.

I feel better already.

So here we are. January 2009. A new year. Out with the old and in with the new.

This is going to be fun! Stay tuned. This will get better, I promise!