His perfect timing

They always say that God's timing is the best and is always perfect. I believe it but during the five years of trying to conceive this baby I was constantly frustrated that God's timing wasn't anywhere close to my timing. Until now. Now, it all fits, and it's all perfect. And it's fitting some of my timing "criteria" so to speak.

For example, for the past two and a half years, Jason and I haven't had health insurance. We finally got it and coverage began on November 1. I'm thinking I conceived right around Thanksgiving Day. I don't know what we would have done had we gotten pregnant without the health insurance, especially with my history. I'd have been ecstatic of course, and it wasn't stopping us from actively trying, but still. It would have made for a very stressful and scary pregnancy. Thankfully I am covered now and so I don't have to worry about that part.

A couple of years ago, Jason and I kind of gave ourselves a timeline ultimatum of sorts. We said that if we weren't pregnant or didn't have a baby by the time Riley began first grade then we were done and we would just accept our family of four. Lo and behold, here I am. This baby is probably due in the beginning of August 2007. When does Riley start first grade? The last week of August!

I got pregnant with Ian when Riley was only 5 months old. The two of them were supposed to be 14 months apart. After he passed away, each month that went by that I wasn't pregnant again, felt like a huge loss. I kept giving myself dates on when I wanted to be pregnant by. His due date, the first anniversary of his death, and so on and so on. The last date I gave myself was the date of what should have been his fifth birthday. That date is January 15, less than 2 weeks away. And it finally happened! And I should be having this miracle baby right around the anniversary of his death -- August 7th. It's just amazing how this has all worked out!

For most women, 30 isn't considered "old" to be having a baby. But since I had Austin at the age of 20, I feel much older than 30. I never wanted to have a teenager and then start over with a new baby. Thankfully this baby will be born before Austin turns 11. The age differences between the kids (almost 11 and almost 7 when the baby comes) is a bit more than I would have originally wanted, but now I'm thinking it's going to be just perfect. Austin and Riley are older and more independent. They'll be able to help me out with this baby. They'll understand why I may have to spend more time taking care of this baby than with being with them. I think it's just going to be a lot easier this time around.