Blessing

There was a post on Scrapshare asking what your blessing were today. So I answered. Here's mine:

I feel so blessed that I have a strong healthy baby boy growing inside of me right. this. minute. I may not know if he'll still be here with us tomorrow, or next month but I know that RIGHT NOW he's inside of me. I feel blessed every moment that I have him. I am blessed every week, day, hour, minute, second that he is here longer than his brother Ian was. And I feel even more blessed because I can feel him wiggling around in there so I don't have this feeling of not knowing if he's alive or not. I know.

Last Saturday's Adventure (17w3d)

(Copying this straight from my posts on Scrapshare. Didn't feel like retyping everything.)

03-10-2007, 09:20 AM
Waiting on a call back from my high-risk OB. I just got up this morning, went to the bathroom, and saw my scary past. I had brown spotting. Again. I'm trying to stay positive as I wait for the callback, but inside I'm scared as all get-out and am freaking out. I'm at 17 weeks, the magic number. It scares the crap outta me. We lost Ian at 17 weeks, I can't do this again. OMG I can't do this! Please help me stay calm! I need you girls!

09:36 AM
UPDATE: Got the call back from Dr. Martinez. He's at the hospital 'cause he's on call. Wants me to come up there to L&D and he'll do an ultrasound to see what's going on. I'm leaving in like 10 minutes, will let you all know what's going on when I get back.


02:06 PM
UPDATE: Just got home a little bit ago (had to stop and pick up the kids and a prescription). Anyway the good news is that the baby is fine. The bad news is that I earned my self at least 5 days of bedrest. Ultrasound showed that my placenta is lying over my cervix (praying that it will move as my uterus gets larger). Dr said that there was probably a small abruption at that site which is causing the bleeding. Given my history, he doesn't want to take any chances and so I'm off my feet until Wednesday. If the bleeding and cramping (which started a few hours ago) goes away by then I'm ok to go back to work. If not well we'll cross that bridge if we have to. I'm okay, nervous and scared because its like a post-traumatic flashback, but I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive.

Oh and after the doctor reassured me that the baby was fine, I asked him if, since we were already there, if he could take a peek at the sex. He said that he would though they usually don't like to "confirm" the sex at 17 weeks. He asked me what I thought it was before we peeked. I said girl... until I saw the little "turtle" peeking out between the baby's legs! He wouldn't confirm anything though he did type out on the ultrasound "I think I'm a boy". LOL! So Meg's wrong about the baby. I'm having another BOY!! Can ya believe it?!!??

Update from the 16 week ultrasound.

And the baby is.................a boy..................or is it a girl..........Darn booger wasn't cooperating. On top of that the machine was older than dirt. It took forever for her to even get the baby in clear view. Just saw the top of the head, no movement. I wasn't breathing. I was freaking out, started tearing up. Took a while before she was able to get a view of the baby and even then it was hard to see the baby's heart beating. I seriously thought I was gonna lose it. Finally I was able to breathe when I saw the faintest little bit of a hear beating. THANK GOD!

Baby was tucked all in weird and we weren't able to get a good view of the bottom. I'm aggravated and disappointed. Overall it was just a bad afternoon. I mean yeah its awesome that the baby is doing well and everything, especially with what this week means to me. But I just wanted to know so darn badly. That's twice that we've been in for ultrasounds and we haven't been able to see the sex. I'm not good at this. I'm a planner. I like to prepare. I want to stock up on winter clothes while everything is on like 75% clearance. I want to know what this little one is!

But now I have to wait for 4 more weeks. Next appointment isn't until 3/30. Do you have any idea how long that is?!?!?!?

Made it to the milestone

Today I hit 16 weeks. The scary milestone that's been looming over my head for over 5 years. And so far, so good. I'm here. Baby is doing well. Things are great. Gotta make it through the rest of the week and I'll be feeling so much better about things. I'm upbeat and positive, but in the back of my mind there's still the scary thoughts. I know that bad things could happen in the later weeks and months. But for me, I just needed to make it through to this point. Then things will be smooth sailing.

Tomorrow's another ultrasound. Last chance to see the baby's sex until the end of March when I go for the big 20-wk ultrasound. Hopefully I won't have to wait an entire month to find out what this munchkin is. I'm still pretty darned convinced that its a girl. Having dreams about her all the time. Will be shocked if there's a boy in there. To be honest, I'll probably be a little upset, but just for a minute. Then I'll be rejoicing in the thought of having another son. I'll try to update the blog tomorrow with the results of the ultrasound. Praying for good open leg vibes!

Dreams are coming more and more frequently. Last night I dreamt I was nursing a little dark haired baby girl. I've had a few nursing dreams. Hoping that I'll be successful in bf-ing this baby. Would be thrilled to have a little dark haired girl with brown eyes. It'll probably be bald like Riley and I were for the first year or so, though. Praying that the baby doesn't have red hair, which runs rampant on my side of the family. Red hair is okay, not my favorite, but okay on a girl. I HATE it on boys. I'm silly that way.

14 Weeks 6 days

Well tomorrow I hit 15 weeks in this pregnancy. Had an appointment yesterday, which is one of the reasons I never came back to the board yesterday. My appt was at 2pm. We left the house at 1, got there at about 1:30. Any other time if I get there early, they move me right on in. Oh no, not this time. It was Jason, Austin and I. Riley was supposed to come but she got invited to go sledding with a friend and decided that playing in the snow was much more exciting than seeing her baby brother or sister on an ultrasound. So what time do they FINALLY call us back to the exam room? Wanna take a guess? It was a little bit after THREE! So we go in the exam room, they take my BP, weigh me (I gained 5 lbs since my last appt). Then they stop the regular prenatal appt and take me to the U/S room. Baby shows up on the screen and looks awesome. The baby was literally laying on its head with its legs bent over it, like we froze a somersault mid-turn. We asked if the tech could see the sex. She did, but said it was just a bit too early to make any accurate determination. Said it could be a girl with swollen genitalia, or a boy that just hadn't fully descended. Umm, yeah, okay. So its either a boy or a girl. Yeah, I could have told her that! LOL. Though I'm sure I saw a "hamburger bun". I know its a girl, they just don't know it yet! The tech also turned the machine to 3D/4D so we got to see the baby even clearer. So freakin' cool. The baby is still thinking its Rocky -- constantly has its hands up around its face protecting it and then punching out. Too cute.

As far as the pregnancy is going, I feel great. Just tired. No morning sickness whatsoever. I'm eating all the time. Can't get enough food. I'm not sleeping well though. I wake up every 2 hours on the dot throughout the night. That'll be great when the baby's here, but I've still got a long time to go before I need to wake up so often. The drs said I could take Tylenol PM so that's what I'm gonna be doing to get a full nights sleep. I haven't had any more bleeding so that's been a real blessing. We're almost at the point when we lost Ian and things are looking a thousand times better than they did with Ian's pregnancy, and Riley's for that matter. I'm very positive that things will turn out perfect with this little one and that by the end of July, or beginning of August I'll have a baby in my arms again. I have another ultrasound scheduled for March 1st just as a "reassurance thing" since I'll be the same gestation then as I was when Ian passed away. Maybe next week we'll get a better peek at the baby's sex. Gosh I hope so!

On the job front... well I got the call on Valentine's Day. They offered me the position and I begin training on March 5. I haven't told them about the pregnancy yet, but I'm gonna try to make an appointment to talk with my manager before I begin. My drs office is only open M-F from 8am-4:30. I work 8:30-5. Don't know how I'm gonna be able to squeeze in my prenatal visits since they told us that we can't miss any of our training. YIKES! So I'm a bit freaked out about all of this. I'm hoping that they'll be able to work with me on all of this. We really need this job.

Later on I'll post the pictures from the ultrasound. I also need to go back and fill in the updates from the past 2 1/2 weeks or so. I've been so lazy!

4D Ultrasound

Technology is so cool! On Monday, February 5 I had a regular u/s scheduled. Halfway through the tech switched it over to 4D. It was so freakin' awesome. The baby kept his/her hands up near its face like it was boxing. Every once in a while it'd stretch its arm so it really looked like it was throwing punches. It was wiggling all around and then at one point we saw it totally flip around from being on its back to its belly. It scrunched its arms and legs underneath its body and just its tiny-heiney was sticking out. It was so cute! I have another u/s scheduled for the 19th. Hopefuly then we'll get a peek at its sex.

Here's a few of the 4D pictures. I wish I had a scanner. It'd be so much better. The top two pictures show the baby from above. You can see the hands up near its face. The last picture is more of a side profile and shows the legs very clearly. Doesn't it look like the baby is praying in the second photo??

12 Weeks

I turned 12 weeks yesterday. I made it. Trimester 1 down, 2 more to go. Woohoo. I feel great! I haven't had any morning sickness and have had only a few waves of nausea here and there. I'm so fortunate and I know it. I'm still tired all the time, but that'll get better over the next couple of weeks, I'm sure.

Last night, Jason and I and my father-in-law went out to dinner at the Meritage (where I work). We were celebrating Jason's thirtieth birthday which was Monday. The restaurant is considered "fine dining" so its not exactly appropriate to walk in in sweats which I feel most comfortable wearing these days! So I went through my SIL's maternity clothes that she gave me and found a cute black pinstriped pants that weren't too big on me and a nice black maternity top. The clothes are still a bit big, but sooo comfortable. Yesterday wearing the outfit, you could definetly see that I was pregnant.

This morning after my shower, I again grabbed a pair of maternity pants to put on. I'm sure in a few months I'll be sick and tired of that maternity wear, but at this point, I'm excited to be able to wear it. More than that, its just so much more comfortable than my regular pants which are too tight around the waist and hips.

I have my next ultrasound scheduled for Monday. Can't wait to see the baby again. Oh earlier this week I had my first baby dream. Dreamt about the sex -- it was a girl. We'll see if I'm right in a few weeks....

Elvis at 10 weeks, 5 days

As promised, here's the latest ultrasound pictures. HUGE difference in two weeks. It's amazing how quickly the baby grows and changes. The top picture is the one that Austin said the head looks like Elvis. Crack.me.up. I can actually "see" it. The little wave of "hair" at the top over the nose. I guess the baby has a new nickname. I'll freak out though if the baby is born with sideburns and a curled lip! Maybe I should start searching for a sequined jumpsuit complete with cape and gold sunglasses. "Elvis has left the hospital!"

Answered Prayers

Ok so the update? Everything looks GREAT. Baby has arms and legs and they move! LOL! Its amazing the difference in images from 8.5 weeks and 10.5 weeks! The baby looks like a baby and not a blob. DS Austin (10) says the baby's head looks like Elvis. Nice! "Thank you, thankyouverymuch!"

Heartbeat is nice and strong. They did notice a bit of "fluid" in my uterus. Couldn't tell if it was blood or not. It's not very much and the dr's not too worried about it. But they did schedule another u/s in 2 weeks to check on it and then I'll have a Level 1 u/s 2 wks after that! Basically every visit I'll get an u/s. I'll have enough u/s photos by the end of this pregnancy to do an entire album! They did tell me that as I get close to the 16-17 wk mark (when I lost Ian) that I could have an u/s anytime I wanted just for piece of mind. Heck I can even come in every day to have an u/s. Now that's what I call a great bedside manner.

Other than that, not too much to report. Things are good around here and I'm so relieved and thankful for everyone who has been praying for us and thinking about us. I'll post the ultrasound pics later on. Gotta charge my batteries on my digital camera. Would be so much easier if I had a scanner, but I don't so I'll just have to make do!

Spotting

Wanted to document the bit of "excitement" I had on Tuesday and Wednesday. I had posted this on Scrapshare.com and am just copying and pasting here.

(1/16/07- 2:45 pm) I just started spotting with this pregnancy. I can't go through another loss. Please pray that the spotting is "nothing" and that the baby will be okay. I had spotting throughout both Riley and Ian's pregnancies. Had placental abruptions with both. Obviously Ian didn't survive because of it. I can't lose this baby. Oh my God, I can't! I'm so scared. The doctors office said not to panic but I'm already beyond that. I'm freaking out. The spotting was light pink and I'm not cramping or anything but I'm to call back if things get worse. Please please please pray for me and this baby!!!

UPDATE: (1/17/07 - 10:31 am) Well I was cramping a bit throughout the night. Woke up with light brown spotting. Not much, only when I'd wipe. I called the drs office just to let them know. They said again just to take it easy, relax and try to stay calm. The fact that its light brown is better than being bright red. I have an appointment on Monday and they'll check things out thoroughly then. I'm doing much better mentally today. I could feel your prayers and it really helped calm me down. Things WILL be okay. I just have to continue to have faith.Thanks again for the prayers. I'll update you on anything new.

Today is Thursday and I am not spotting currently. No cramping either. Hopefully that is the last of it. Ultrasound is in a few more days. I'll be a bit nervous until then, but overall I'm doing okay. I can bleed and still have a healthy baby at the end. My beautiful 6 year old daughter is living proof of that. I WILL have a beautiful healthy baby at the end of this pregnancy too! I have faith that the Lord will deliver!

More Toilet Paper

Went to the bathroom this morning and while I was in there I thought, hey, I should measure again. Today at 9 weeks and 2 days I'm measuring 9 1/2 toilet paper squares! Up half a square in just 10 days. Not too shabby. I really can't wait until these clothes are just too uncomfortable to wear and I can move on to the maternity clothes. Holly brought over a computer-box full of clothes on Sunday afternoon. Holy mackeral did she have a lot of clothes!

Belly Changes -- 9 Weeks

8 Weeks
9 Weeks


Notice any changes??

The Most Beautiful Sight

Yesterday, January 9th, I had my first ultrasound with this baby. I was so nervous all day before the appointment. Especially once I laid down on the table and the ultrasound tech poured the jelly on my stomach. The last time I had an ultrasound was the day that we found out that Ian's heart had stopped beating and that he was no longer with us. I prayed fervently as the tech moved the probe around. Please God let this baby have a heartbeat. Please please please. I can't handle another loss. Please.
And then I saw it. The most beautiful thing I've seen -- a teeny tiny little heart and it was pumping. Pumping hard and fast, doing everything its supposed to do! 172 bpm. My baby is alive and is thriving! Is there anything greater? I don't think so. I can't really ask for anything more right now.

The rest of the appointment went well. The baby is measuring just about 9 weeks, so I'm keeping my original due date as August 15th unless the doctor says otherwise. The doctor said that I've made it through my first hurdle, and that was getting through the first 8 weeks since I've already had a loss. Next hurdle of course is 17 weeks which is when we lost Ian. They're going to be keeping good tabs on this baby and my pregnancy. I'll have lots of ultrasounds and testing and after about 24 or 26 weeks they'll be watching the baby's growth and checking fluid levels. I'm at risk for Intrauterine Growth Retardation (IUGR) as well as pre-eclampsia, pre-term labor and placental abruption. Hopefully I won't have to worry about any of these complications. I have full faith in God that He will protect me and this baby.

Oh and next ultrasound is scheduled for Monday January 22nd!

His perfect timing

They always say that God's timing is the best and is always perfect. I believe it but during the five years of trying to conceive this baby I was constantly frustrated that God's timing wasn't anywhere close to my timing. Until now. Now, it all fits, and it's all perfect. And it's fitting some of my timing "criteria" so to speak.

For example, for the past two and a half years, Jason and I haven't had health insurance. We finally got it and coverage began on November 1. I'm thinking I conceived right around Thanksgiving Day. I don't know what we would have done had we gotten pregnant without the health insurance, especially with my history. I'd have been ecstatic of course, and it wasn't stopping us from actively trying, but still. It would have made for a very stressful and scary pregnancy. Thankfully I am covered now and so I don't have to worry about that part.

A couple of years ago, Jason and I kind of gave ourselves a timeline ultimatum of sorts. We said that if we weren't pregnant or didn't have a baby by the time Riley began first grade then we were done and we would just accept our family of four. Lo and behold, here I am. This baby is probably due in the beginning of August 2007. When does Riley start first grade? The last week of August!

I got pregnant with Ian when Riley was only 5 months old. The two of them were supposed to be 14 months apart. After he passed away, each month that went by that I wasn't pregnant again, felt like a huge loss. I kept giving myself dates on when I wanted to be pregnant by. His due date, the first anniversary of his death, and so on and so on. The last date I gave myself was the date of what should have been his fifth birthday. That date is January 15, less than 2 weeks away. And it finally happened! And I should be having this miracle baby right around the anniversary of his death -- August 7th. It's just amazing how this has all worked out!

For most women, 30 isn't considered "old" to be having a baby. But since I had Austin at the age of 20, I feel much older than 30. I never wanted to have a teenager and then start over with a new baby. Thankfully this baby will be born before Austin turns 11. The age differences between the kids (almost 11 and almost 7 when the baby comes) is a bit more than I would have originally wanted, but now I'm thinking it's going to be just perfect. Austin and Riley are older and more independent. They'll be able to help me out with this baby. They'll understand why I may have to spend more time taking care of this baby than with being with them. I think it's just going to be a lot easier this time around.

Baby Belly -- Week 8 (maybe!)

Figured I'd might as well take a pic and post it. I have hardly any pictures of my pregnancies with Austin or Riley. In fact I can think of ONE picture from each of them. Sad, isn't it? Well this baby is gonna be the subject of plenty of pictures, even before its born. I had to do a self portrait because no one is home right now. I'm kinda proud of this little belly of mine. You can actually SEE it! It took forever it seems for me to start showing with any of the my other three pregnancies. This time things are moving much more quickly.

Oh my sister-in-law Holly (Jake and Summer's mom) called me yesterday and offered me all of her maternity clothes! I'm so excited. She always dresses so nicely (she's a manager at NY & Co) so the clothes are gonna be awesome. I can't wait to get them. She says she'll probably stop by next week with them. Won't be long before I'm gonna be out of my regular clothes and onto the maternity wear. It's funny just how excited about this that I am. I'm sure a lot of people are begrudging wearing them, but not this chick. I.can't.wait!

Family Ties

We have used family names as middle names for our kids, and plan on doing the same for this baby as well.

Austin Jeffery (Jeffery is my dad's name)
Riley Elizabeth (Elizabeth is after Jason's aunt, Elizabeth and my aunt Beth)
Ian Douglas (Douglas is Jason's dad)

With this one we're thinking of the first names of Rachel and Daniel. But I'm having a hard time coming up with family middle names that I like. One name we're considering for Rachel is Rachel Kay. Kay is my mom's maiden name and my sister's middle name. Other girl family names that are in the running: Eileen, Catherine, Mary, Grace, Lillian.

For Daniel, well I have no clue. Some of the family names I like are William, John, Harrison, Stephen, Kai (pronouced KYE, the original spelling of my mom's maiden name when her gr.grandfather came to the US from Norway). I also like Christian, which isn't exactly a family name but I see Christ and Ian, and it reminds me that my baby boy is in heaven with Jesus and it would pay tribute to Ian that way.

Who knows? I'll probably change my mind a million times between now and August, but its something to think about now as I'm patiently waiting. One thing that won't change is the name if this is a girl. Rachel is it. Has been for 6 years, will be forever.

Bassinets, and Bouncy Seats, and Strollers... Oh MY!

I went to Target today by myself. Went in there specifically for cat food and to buy a Starbucks' Caramel Frappuccino (bad, I know, but I was really craving one!). Spent a good portion of the time that I was there just looking at all the baby stuff. Holy mackeral there's a huge selection of new equipment and must-haves that just didn't exist when I had my last baby. And she's only 6!

It's almost overwhelming how much stuff is out there, and yet at the same time, it's so exciting. The baby swings look so much more comfy than the vinyl seat, wind-up one that Austin had 10 years ago. There's fish and music and batteries. There's dangly mobiles above them, and little mirrors, and tiny toys. They even have a swing out there that is like a papasan chair! Who'd have thunk it! Looks comfortable enough for me to crawl in and fall asleep in.

And the Pack-n-plays? Bassinet attachments, changing tables, a place to store diapers and toys and extra blankets. Car seats that are huge and comfortable, with lots of fun patterns. Some even recline with the push of a button. Lots of bouncy seats that vibrate (which Riley loved as an infant -- we used to place the seat in her crib and let her sleep in the seat when she was newborn 'cause she loved the vibrations). Oh and the Exersaucers? Much more interactive than the first one I bought when Austin was a baby. They had just come out with the E-saucer back then and believe me, it was exciting at the time. Now? Oh man they're so interactive and makes Austin's old one look ancient and boring. Today's highchairs have trays that can be thrown in the dishwasher to be cleaned. Why didn't they have that back when I was scouring the tray trying to get the spaghetti-orange stains out of it?

I can't wait to start shopping for this baby! 'Course in a few years I'll look at all the new baby stuff out there and wish they had it when I had this baby.

Toilet Paper

I read on some pregnancy forum somewhere on the net today that some women track their belly growth using toilet paper. Interesting concept. I've got toilet paper, I can do this! Figured it'd be an easy way to gauge how much my belly is growing. So I went into the bathroom today and grabbed the toilet paper, wrapped it around my midsection, making sure it went over my belly button (is that how I'm supposed to measure it?? I have no clue! But that's the way I'm gonna do it). Tore off the paper where it met the other end and counted the squares. Today, at 7 weeks and 6 days (maybe!) I'm 9 squares around.

Funny thing is I found out that one of my best friends, whose identity is being protected so she's not mortified that I'm sharing how big she is, is 10 squares around. Yet she's saying she's HUGE. So I'm thinking if I'm 9 squares and she's 10 squares and yet she's at least a month ahead of me and she's considering herself HUGE, then different toilet paper companies must be using different sizes for their squares. You'd think there'd be a standard toilet paper square size, but I'm thinking not. Unless I'm really big for my dates or that un-named knocked-up friend isn't as big as she thinks she is.

Good thing is that I always buy the same toilet paper so I'll at least have a constant on the toilet paper square size. Maybe said friend should buy my kind of TP and then she'd feel smaller. It's the cheap, hard, plain white stuff -- Scott! Go pick up a few rolls Sherri...err... I mean unnamed friend!

It's a New Year

Post number one. Happy New Year! 2007 - hopefully to be the best year ever! After more 5 years of trying to get pregnant and losing two babies in that time I am FINALLY pregnant. And so far, so good!

The only problem I have right now is the fact that I have no idea just how far along I am. How crazy is that?? I've had two very weird abnormal and messed up cycles. I could be almost 8 weeks along or I could be as much as 11 or 13 weeks along! The good thing is that I'll be finding out for sure on the 9th when I have a consult and ultrasound with Dr. Hole at MFM. I'm looking forward to that appointment because I'll get to see this baby for real and I'll know whether or not I'll be having this baby in August or in July!

Everyone seems to be pretty excited for us. Which is good. I was afraid there'd be more negativity than happiness. But maybe they're all expressing that behind closed doors. Who knows, and as long as I don't have to hear about it, it's all good! LOL! I know that my family is worried about me and my health because of all the bad things I've gone through during my past pregnancies, but I feel very good about this pregnancy. I have faith that God will protect me and this baby. I have faith that He will not take this child away from me afterI've dealt with 5 years of secondary infertility and the death of two babies. He has prepared me to have this child and He will deliver that promise to me!

Now I just have to be patient and wait for this miracle of mine to grow and be ready!